The need for more help rarely arrives all at once. More often it builds slowly — a missed bill here, a minor fall there — until a crisis makes it obvious. Families who notice the early signs can act sooner, with smaller and less disruptive changes, while their parent can still take part in the decisions.
Visits home, especially around the holidays, are often when adult children first notice changes. Here are the signs worth paying attention to, grouped by area of daily life, and what to do next.
Physical Health and Mobility
- Falls or near-falls, new bruises they can’t explain, or holding onto furniture to get around. Falls are a leading cause of injury among older adults, and one fall raises the risk of another.
- Difficulty getting up from a chair or out of bed
- Avoiding the stairs, or living in fewer rooms of the house
- Noticeable weight loss or a change in appetite
- A decline in hygiene, such as body odor, unwashed hair or wearing the same clothes repeatedly, which can mean bathing has become difficult or frightening
What can help: bathroom safety equipment, a stand assist aid, the right walker or rollator, and a fall detection device. Ask their doctor about a fall-risk assessment and physical therapy.
Home and Household
- Unopened mail, unpaid bills or late notices
- Spoiled or expired food in the refrigerator, or very little food at all
- A noticeably messier or dirtier home than usual
- Scorched pots or burn marks, which can mean the stove is being left on
- Unfilled prescriptions or pill bottles that are too full or empty too early
- Neglected yard or home repairs they would previously have handled
What can help: automatic bill pay, grocery delivery, a housekeeper, safer kitchen tools, and a pill organizer or automatic dispenser. Our home safety checklist walks through every room.
Memory and Thinking
- Repeating questions or stories within the same conversation
- Missing appointments or forgetting recent events
- Getting lost in familiar places, or confusion about the time or date
- Difficulty following a recipe or managing tasks they used to do easily
- Poor judgment, such as falling for scams or unusual spending
What can help: raise memory concerns with their doctor. The yearly Medicare Annual Wellness Visit includes a check for cognitive impairment, and some causes of confusion, such as medication side effects, infections, vitamin deficiencies and thyroid problems, are treatable. See our guides to dementia home safety and managing multiple medications.
Mood and Social Life
- Withdrawing from friends, clubs, church or hobbies
- Persistent sadness, loss of interest or irritability
- Sleeping much more or less than usual
- Loneliness, particularly after losing a spouse or giving up driving
Depression in older adults is common and treatable, and it is not a normal part of aging. Encourage a doctor’s visit. Senior centers, adult day programs and volunteer visitor programs can reduce isolation.
Driving
- New dents and scratches on the car
- Getting lost on familiar routes
- Near-misses, traffic tickets, or friends expressing concern
- Confusing the pedals, or difficulty judging gaps in traffic
What can help: a driving evaluation by an occupational therapist who specializes in driver rehabilitation can give an objective assessment. AARP and AAA offer resources for older drivers and their families, and state DMVs have their own processes for driver review. If driving is reduced, line up alternatives first, such as family rides, community transportation services or rideshare, so your parent doesn’t become isolated.
Signs That Need Urgent Action
Act right away if you notice:
- Sudden confusion, weakness, slurred speech or a drooping face — call 911, as these can be signs of a stroke
- Repeated falls, or a fall where they couldn’t get up
- Wandering or getting lost outside the home
- Signs of neglect, abuse or financial exploitation — contact your local Adult Protective Services, or 911 in an emergency
What to Do Next
- Write down what you’ve noticed, with specific examples and dates.
- Talk to your parent respectfully. See how to talk to aging parents about getting help.
- Involve their doctor, who can assess health, medications and safety.
- Learn the options — our care options guide explains home care, assisted living and how Medicare and Medicaid fit in.
- Contact your local Area Agency on Aging through the Eldercare Locator (1-800-677-1116 or eldercare.acl.gov) for local services and support.
You can also use our free Home Safety Assessment to score your parent’s home room by room.
This guide provides general information and is not medical advice. If you’re concerned about your parent’s health or safety, talk to their doctor.